"One Day at a Time - My Journey from Crisis to Comeback"

Suit Up. Stand Tall.

Some see scars. I see a superhero story unfolding—one challenge at a time. Today, the cape is confidence, and every step brings me closer to walking out of here.

"This is the journey I never expected to take—a battle with my own body, and the lessons, setbacks, and small victories along the way. This first post is my story’s foundation. This blog is my way to document my journey of recovery since my second spinal surgery. My story begins with a first surgery as a result of an infection that settled in my spinal column a couple years ago without me knowing it. I thought I had sciatic nerve issues that wouldn't go away. You'll get the picture as you read further. I was drained of nearly all hope when I finally made it to the ER from my daughter's house. Hospital staff had to meet me at the vehicle. They made it sound so easy. 'We'll help you out of the truck. Don't worry.' I went straight to the ground. Along with my hope. The kicker was the neurosurgeon telling me in a motherly voice, "I have to let you know that you may not ever walk again John, Prepare yourself for the possibility." Tears flowed immediately. I caused this because I waited. I procrastinated. I had nine lives. I always made it though the fires. So, I knew I'd have to work for this. I knew that something outside of myself would need to intervene to make this happen. No foxhole prayers or anything like that. Just an openness to something I never was willing to relinquish control to. Here's my jourey down that road. It's unfinished and I have no idea where it will lead. A reality show unscripted before your very eyes!"

Today's Random Question:

Which is more important to you and why—flexibility or expandability?

For me, flexibility matters most. Life isn’t lived in black and white; it’s the gray areas where we grow. Being adaptable is essential, especially when survival itself is at stake.

Please share your answer in the comments below—and tell me why you chose it. I’d love to hear your perspective! 

Poetry Spotlight: "Hopelessness"

At my lowest, hopelessness felt inescapable. I wrote this piece to capture the darkness that threatened to consume me but also to remind myself—and others—that naming our pain is the first step toward healing.

Presented in a sharpie-style font, this poem is meant to look and feel raw—like pain made permanent on the page.

LOATHING

Bitterness seethes from within,
seeping, spreading out, spreading further—
a pool of blood; warm, thick, sticky
from a knife wound,
emptying out of me,
paradoxically consuming me.

Confused, abused
I am dying—
no strength exists for trying.
Cancerous, treacherous, putrid—
a poisoned spring pouring forth.

Comfort, anxiety intertwined,
binding my spirit, tethering my soul.
Inseparable opposites
will not let me go;
I do not want to be free—
I cannot break free.

Doomed, destined,
I am staying—
no tears for crying.
Misery, content, unfeeling;
no terror of death's agents,
no remorse for lying.

Despise the truly living,
no comfort in loving.
Pain, despair—
solace gained from constricting angst,
hope abandoned, free from care.

Don't touch me, don't smile...
Do not teach, do not preach...
Don't help me, don't reach out...
Nothing good exists within self;
compassion has no flavor,
no savor in life.
Kindness is bland
leave me alone,
life's losing hand embraced...

— John
© 2025 John Rushton. All rights reserved.

If this poem resonates with you, or if you’ve faced similar moments, share your thoughts in the comments below. We grow by reflecting and by sharing our stories.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."

-Viktor Frankl  

20th Century Psychiatrist, Holocaust Survivor, Author: "Man's Search for Meaning"

A Seizure in the Park

"Before my second surgery, I was eating outside on a park bench when I suffered a seizure and fell, hitting my head. I woke up confused, with pain and blood—a harsh reminder of how fragile the process was. Thirteen staples closed the wound, but they couldn’t mend the uncertainty I faced heading into another operation."

First Surgery: Cervical Spine – The Beginning

"Major surgery targeted my cervical spine—C1, C2, and C3—through a laminectomy and discectomy to remove infected tissue and abscesses that had developed from osteomyelitis and discitis. Seeing my neck stapled and bruised, I realized recovery was going to be a marathon, not a sprint".

Second Surgery: Thoracic Spine – When Progress Faltered

"Just as I began to recover, the infection flared again. I just didn't know it I fell a few times. The numbness got alarmingly worse in the anterior of my stomach, legs (especially my knees), and feet. My coordination and balance were way off. Every time I fell, I made my back worse. I was falling because my lower body couldn't keep up with my upper body's momentum. I knew I needed the second spinal surgery and was procrastinating. I was in denial and wouldn't break through those strong defensive walls I built. I was "busy" and I "had things to take care of". It was always something. Blah, blah, blah.... 

I ended up having to use a cane to get around. A walker would've been more appropriate if I would be honest with myself at the time. Anyway, I had a rare opportunity to visit my daughter and all three of my grandchildren. My son would also be at my daughter's house. 

Then my 'wake-up' call happened, I fell in my daughter’s shower, fracturing and collapsing T6 and T7. The abscesses devastated my thoracic discs, demanding urgent fusion surgery. Now, did this force me to wake up and immediately get to the emergency room? No... I didn't want to be a "burden" on my family. So, not unlike a mushroom, I sat in the dark and tried not to bother anyone until I could get a ride back home. Then I would go to the emergency room and get these issues taken care of, finally!

Then came my time to pay the piper. I had no idea that bed sores could get as bad as mine had gotten, so quickly! I found out the hard way. I obtained two terrible ones that nearly took me out of the game once and for all. The terms 'necrosis' and 'sepsis'? They couldn't possibly be referring to me? I'm ' Teflon John' . I slip away from problems so easily... I no longer could look at these situations so flippantly. Those days are gone. My avoidance tactics gave me a double whammy that my body almost couldn't afford or withstand.

Today I am grateful. I am hopeful. I am willing. I am open-minded. I'm not lucky. I have a purpose that I am unsure of. So, each staple and scar is proof not just of pain, but of resilience and hard-won progress."

Obstacles & Milestones

• Survived two major surgeries in the span of two years
• Endured the loss and slow restoration of sensation in my legs, feet, and belly
• Lived through seizures, falls, and weeks of intensive intravenous antibiotics and physical therapy
• Fought to sit and stand again—victories I once took for granted

Goals: What Comes Next

Short-term:

• Relearn how to walk
• Continue physical therapy to regain independence.
• Celebrate every milestone, no matter how small.
• Start each day on a positive note, learning something new with the help of the Deepstash family. (They gifted me with a year of Premium to Deepstash and Paladin learning apps, moved by my story)
• Continue to write poetry and work toward publishing a book of poetry.
• Continue working on a manuscript or memoir about my journey.

Long-term:

• Share my journey to inspire others and support those facing adversity
• Use what I’ve learned as a Navy veteran and peer support professional to give hope and help
• Run (Finish) the Marine Corps Marathon
• Complete and publish my memoir
• Complete and publish my book of poetry
• Publish essays on human behavior on the following topics that have significant meaning to me: "Deliberate Indifference", "Confirmation Bias", "Contempt Prior to Investigation", "Negative Projection", and "Intuitive Repulsion".

Closing Thoughts

Every scar, setback, and step forward is part of my story. This blog is the start of something bigger—a record of grit, pain, and progress. If my goal is to fly, then walking must be my first victory. So, come aboard, take a seat, strap in, and hang on! I believe we are ALL in for one wild ride...

(Side note: Have you EVER heard a Marine Corps First Sergeant (Retired) with three or four successful tours as a Drill Instructor—Parris Island (2) and Navy Officer Candidate School (OCS)(1)—say to a former Officer Candidate: “You are an inspiration. This Drill Instructor loves you!”?)

This Officer Candidate will not fail!

Thanks for being here as I find my rhythm, one day at a time...

Images and content © 2025 John. All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce without permission.